THE FUTURE IS DOOM
by Alohilani
Summary: The fate of the world rests on a very particular mission being accomplished in a very particular way. What do you do? You send Zim! Wait, no. That's a terrible idea. Just terrible... and Gaz did it anyway.


A/N: WEELLL this stupid fic has been sitting on my hard drive for forever and I finally realized that I would never, ever be able to motivate myself to write another chapter if I didn't post the first one for feedback, so, here it is.

* * *

_But now it's over and done_

_'cause that was yesterday and yesterday's gone_

~Chad and Jeremy, 'Yesterday's Gone'

**3/21/01**

_7:52 AM_

It was a happy day! It was a happy day because the sky was blue, GIR existed, and the pointy-teeth men weren't peeking out at him from behind things today. Sometimes the pointy-teeth men were there and sometimes they weren't. And sometimes the pointy-teeth men were flying squirrels instead, and then they'd give GIR rides on their backs to lands unknown. But today there was no one on the street but GIR, and GIR was going to the skool because… because… because of the piece of paper he was holding. The paper had told him to go to the skool! The paper wanted GIR to take it to the skool and give it to the **D A R K W O M A N.** And GIR would obey!

He went across the street. A car swerved past him as he went. He waited to see if it would stop and come back to play with him, but it didn't. How rude.

GIR went onto the street, making his favorite music aloud to himself. Then he heard footsteps approaching. GIR turned, expecting one of the squirrels. But it was Master!

"Hi!" GIR said.

Master stopped a few feet away, swallowing. His eyes were really big, like a deer's.

"You teleported!" GIR concluded, since Master had approached in the opposite direction from the base where GIR had left him.

Master swallowed again, glanced over each shoulder, and said: "Eh- yes, yes, of course. GIR." He fell silent. He rubbed the back of his neck, baring his teeth and staring at GIR. GIR twirled to show off more of his bodacious body.

Master cleared his throat, looking GIR up and down with a funny look on his face. He straightened his back, scowling. "I, uh, came to tell you that you won't need to give that note to the skool after all, GIR. I've decided not to go for supplies today after all. Give me that note." He held his hand out for it.

This jangled in GIR's brain. "But the paper wants me to give it to the DARK WOMAN!"

Master blinked a few times. "Er- okay. Okay, _I'll_ give it to the dark woman."

That was just fine, GIR didn't even like the skool. "Okay!" he said, and handed over the paper. Master put it in his funny-lookin' backpack.

"Okay, good work, GIR."

GIR's mind abruptly and without warning went completely blank. He stared at nothing. Master folded his arms over his chest, cupping his elbows in his hands.

"Now go on home, GIR. Shoo." Master's eyes went wide, and he shook his head. "Er, no. Don't go home! I, ehh…" He rocked back and forth. "Why don't you go… er… watch the… city cesspool for signs of…" He wiggled the fingers of one hand. "...resistance."

"Okay!" GIR said. He was planning to spend the day with Pig and fully intended to ignore whatever orders to the contrary Master might give him, but whatever. He raced off.

"Bye, GIR!" Master called, waving.

GIR didn't answer. He'd caught sight of a magical blue turkey down the street and was running to catch it before it got away.

_8:06 AM_

The view out the window looked particularly desolate today. It had rained recently and outside there was a faint wet-dead-thing-and-worm smell.

"Today, class," Miss Bitters was saying, "we will learn about Sturgeon's Revelation, and why it is completely false. The truth is, one hundred percent of everything is crud."

Cheery.

The door to the classroom opened and Dib turned to see Zim standing there, looking like he'd gotten a makeover from a hobo.

Dib sat up straight, his eyes narrowing. Instead of his usual dumb little pink dress and black tights, Zim was wearing a battered gray trench coat, a purple turtleneck underneath it, blue jeans, combat boots and fingerless gloves. Everything he wore was coated in a thin layer of dust and dirt. His wig was frizzy looking and tangled, like it had been run over by a truck with muddy wheels and then danced on by GIR. He was glancing around the room with obvious tension.

"Zim, you're late," Miss Bitters said. "Detention."

The Irken flinched, looked at Miss Bitters for a moment as if she was- well, from another planet, heh- but saluted. "Yes, sir." His voice was tight and lacked its usual harsh, egotistic overconfidence.

Zim sat down at his usual desk. Dib sighed and rolled his eyes to the ceiling. "Okay, Zim, what happened to you?"

Zim- assuming it was him and not some weird decoy or something- winced with his entire body. "What is this? What nonsense do you speak? Nothing has happened to me! I look just like I did yesterday!"

"What's with the clothes?"

"What clothes?"

"And why are you all dirty?"

"I am not _dirty!"_ Zim snapped, slamming his hands down on top of the desk. "I'm cleaner than anyone in this room, especially you and your horrible _head!"_

"You're smearing dirt all over your desk!" Dib countered.

Zim looked down at the surface of his desk, where he had indeed left slight grime traces when he touched it. He blanched. "Gah!" He started trying to rub the dirt off his arms.

Dib folded his arms over his chest. "Now, am I going to get an explanation or do I have to break into your base later and pummel it out of you?"

Zim grew even paler, which made the smudges on his face even more obvious. He looked like a homeless bounty hunter. Or maybe a little kid dressed up as one for Halloween. "NO! STAY AWAY FROM MY BASE!"

"SILENCE!" Miss Bitters roared. Dib flinched. "Both of you! Detention this weekend! And not another sound from either of you!"

Zim huddled down in his seat, baring his teeth in a grimace. His arms were tightly wrapped around his body. He looked thin and haggard and frightened.

Dib started taking notes.

_12:08 PM_

Dib was intending to charge across the cafeteria to dramatically confront Zim the minute they were let out for lunch, but that wasn't going to work out… because when Dib finally escaped the lunch-hour crowd and got some space to himself, he discovered Zim right behind him. Right behind him. Breathing down his neck. No- no, literally. Dib could literally feel the alien's breath on the back of his neck.

Dib whipped around, so suddenly that Zim staggered backwards with a look of surprise. "What are you doing, Zim?"

Zim rolled his eyes to the ceiling, apparently trying to look innocent. "I'm not doing anything. I'm just standing here."

"For crying out loud, you're standing _right behind me!"_

Zim's eyes darted back and forth. His whole body was tense. "You don't own the skool, Dib! I can stand wherever I want!"

Dib's eyes narrowed. "You're going to stick something on me, aren't you?"

Zim tipped his head back, trying to look haughty, but Dib could hear his fast breathing. "Like what?"

"I don't know, a tracking device!" Dib had known his hated nemesis long enough to instantly recognize that the light going on in his freaky fake eyes meant 'Hadn't thought of that. Sounds like a good idea.' "Don't you dare, Zim!"

Zim shook his head a little, as if he'd been lost in thought. Man, he was annoying! "Dare what? Oh." He scowled. "I wasn't planning to lay a finger on your filthy little head. Not everything is about you, Dib-filth."

Dib's eyes narrowed. He stared into Zim's eyes, picturing little beams of hate going into the alien's mind and cooking it from within.

Zim pulled away, frowning, and opened his mouth, feeling his teeth with his tongue and then licking his thumb and rubbing it over his face. It left smudges in the dirt.

Dib rolled his eyes. "You know what, I'm going to eat my lunch," he said, and took a seat next to Gaz, who didn't look up. Dib took a spoonful of mashed potatoes and was about to eat it when he felt a strange chill and glanced over to see Gaz had opened her eyes and was staring across the table… at Zim, who was sitting there, wringing his hands. He hadn't bothered to get a tray.

Dib slammed his spoon down on the table. "What do you want, Zim?"

"Whaaat? I'm eating!" Zim protested.

"You don't even have a tray! Oh my gosh! What is your _problem _today?" Suddenly it all clicked into place- the dirt, the sloppy clothes, the cringing. Dib grinned. "Ha! You're locked out of your base, aren't you?"

"What?" Zim blinked a few times. "No. Whatever gave you that idea?"

Dib kept going. "You're locked out of your base and you want me to break you back in!"

Zim slammed his fists down on the table, startling Dib slightly. "Don't go anywhere _near _my _base!"_

Dib considered this, and then he grinned. "Oh, so you don't _want_ me near your base."

Zim bared his teeth. "Oh, yeah, way to pick up on _that _one, Dib! Irk! You're _infuriating! _Were you always this _infuriating?_"

Dib opened his mouth to speak but Gaz talked over him. "Of course he was,"she grated. One eye was still open and fixed on Zim. "Why are you at my _table?"_

Zim turned to look at her, scowling, and then his eyes went wide. He stared at Gaz as if he'd never seen her before. "Gazlene?"

Gaz flushed slightly and she stared even harder. Her hands tightened on the edge of the table. "Don't. Call. Me. That!"

Zim's eyebrows furrowed. "But it's your name."

"My name is _Gaz!"_

"Oh… that's _right," _Zim said, as if he was just remembering something. He leaned on the table, propping his cheek in one hand and looking at Gaz as if she was something unusual and intensely fascinating. "Gaz…"

Gaz pulled away, looking unsettled. Dib's eyes narrowed. "Why are you talking to my sister?"

"Your what?" Zim said. Then he jerked in surprise and looked from Dib to Gaz, wide-eyed. "Oh, she is! She _is_ your sister!" He started laughing. Dib pulled away. "She's your sister!" He put his hands over his face, laughing hysterically. Other children in the cafeteria didn't look

"She's your _sister," _Zim said again, slumping onto the table with his face buried in his arms and his shoulders shaking. He continued to laugh for a few minutes in a strange, broken manner, and then he went quiet. He was trembling.

Dib and Gaz looked at each other. For once, they were in agreement on something, it seemed.

They both got up, slowly, and left the cafeteria.

_12:32 PM_

The cafeteria table felt cool and smooth on his face. That was nice. He was uncomfortably warm, the coat he was wearing was made for chilly Altera 4 weather, not for Earth spring. He was loath to take it off because where he came from, if you put something down, someone else would pick it up. And his Pak was full to capacity.

"Zim."

It was a husky voice, growling directly into the ear on the left side of his waist.

"Yes," he said in a low, dull tone.

"What is your _problem?" _

Zim said nothing. Even he knew that hadn't exactly gone perfectly.

"ZIM!" the voice snapped, loud enough to hurt.

Zim's words came on in a detached rush. "I thought it would be more prudent to simply reveal my presence. After all, if he noticed me shadowing him it would make him much more concerned than if I just-"

"ZIM!"

He adopted the closest attitude to meekness that he was capable of. "Yes, sir." There was no point in explaining himself to this woman, he wasn't sure why he tried.

There was no mercy in her voice. "You didn't follow my orders."

"Of course I did!" Zim mumbled into his arms. "To an extent. I'm here, aren't I? I was an Invader, I'm fully capable of functioning on my-"

"ZIM!"

He saluted. "Sir!"

"You're dead."

Ah, it wasn't the first time she'd said that. He waved one hand dismissively.

The voice was low and biting. "You told us you could _do_ this."

Another voice, nasal and irritated, replied on Zim's right side. "He tells us he can do _everything!_ He's insane, Gazlene. I knew this mission should have gone to Skoodge."

Zim snorted aloud. Pff. Skoodge.

"Shut up," Gazlene replied. She never defended her decisions. (Or Zim, for that matter.) "And you! Irken!" Zim jumped a little. "Why aren't you following _Dib?"_

"Oh, uh- he was getting suspicious!" He nodded furiously. "Yes, extremely suspicious, so I-"

"He's always suspicious of you! GO FIND HIM!"

Gazlene's orders were to be obeyed. Immediately. Zim got up and headed off through the cafeteria, head lowered. Stinking humans.


End file.
